I'm 30!

To be honest, I don't even know where to start this post. I guess it's official: I'm 30! Although this post will go up today, I'm drafting the first portion of this post about a month prior.

When I was a kid, I always felt like 30 was a lifetime away and people in their 30s were so... mature. It's better to say mature rather than old, right?! I never thought I'd be 30 and NOT in the corporate world. I never thought I'd be on Lexapro for anxiety. And I especially never thought I'd get my blood drawn again after doing so when I was nine, BUT here we are and all have happened.

First, I left the corporate world when I was 28. It was one of those places where I knew I'd kick myself for not attempting to run my own business before I turned 30. Am I a multi-millionaire? No. But do I have big goals? Yes. And am I successful? You bet I am! Kayla Koch Photo has transformed my life. In the corporate world, I quickly grew tired of no one standing up for me in a crowded room and now I get to be entirely in control while standing FOR what I believe in and for those who think similarly to myself.

In the corporate world, I was losing hair, waking up exhausted after a full night of rest, and my period was becoming increasingly more delayed. I felt stressed constantly while working 12+ hour days with bosses who likely never thought I was doing enough. (This definitely led to insane amounts of anxiety.) It wasn't until a family trip in December of 2022 when my parents talked to my boyfriend about me constantly working. They asked if this is what it was like at our house all the time. I think they were quite surprised when he said, "yes." My dad, a huge workaholic himself, even thought the level of work I was putting in was... a lot. Two months later when review season came around, I was told I was not working hard enough, and I was being negative in my role. Part of the cause of constant work was because a team member had left over a year prior and although I was told over and over again someone would replace the outgoing employee, no one ever came to take on the role. Mainly because I later found out they were never looking to find a replacement, so the work of two roles (mine + the outgoing employee) fell onto myself. No raise was awarded that year, and I was done.

When I left, one of my collogues on the team reached out and sent a message saying he was so sorry the team didn't know how to properly utilize my talents. I immediately screenshot this message and I think of it constantly. That one line is so motivating to me because I KNOW what my talents are, and I KNOW how to use them to my advantage. In 2020 as the world fell apart, I saw another social media post that resonated with me. One of the people I follow on social media said something to the effect of, "sometimes, you have to work for your own dream instead of someone else's dream," and this one line alone rocked me to my core and never left my mind. So, what does an unhappy 28-year-old do when she's frustrated in her corporate job and has a side business as a photographer? She goes all in.

Four months later, my anxiety was still tearing me apart on a regular basis. My hair had started regrowing where it was once patchy and my stress seemed to be dwindling, but the anxiety while driving to and from sessions was becoming debilitating. To be honest, at the same time, we (my boyfriend and I) were struggling to gain access to medication for his ADHD and I felt as though I could try to rig the system and go to an appointment with a psychiatrist to get medication for him. Now, I'm not 100% proud of this, but it was one of the most helpful things I've done, so bear with me! Upon walking into this appointment, I started to feel a wave of anxiety. I sat down in the chair to meet with a psychiatrist and quickly started to become teary-eyed. In the online questionnaire I had to complete prior to the appointment, I stated I was interested in some kind of an ADHD prescription, but everything went out the window when an anxiety attack presented on the horizon aka in this tiny psychiatry office.

My doctor, who I need to add is one of the coolest and most down-to-earth individuals I've ever had the pleasure of meeting, revisited all of the responses to my online questionnaire and then some. She actually didn't want to rule out adult ADHD for me (and actually still hasn't), but what was more fitting than anything was the presentation of generalized anxiety. For a lot of years, I never thought I could be a person with anxiety. I always thought I wasn't working out enough or I just needed to avoid caffeine (which I mainly still attempt to do). However, none of it worked and the feelings which I later learned were all symptoms of anxiety only seemed to grow, fester, and worsen. My doctor wanted to start me on an anxiety medication called Lexapro and that stuff changed my life. Now, I'm not recommending you run to a doctor and demand a prescription for Lexapro following reading this because as my doctor says, there are a variety of medications she sweetly refers to as, "SSRI sisters." One of these "sisters" may work better for you than others, so it's always best to allow yourself to be transparently evaluated by a professional. Lexapro did change my life and if you're feeling similarly, I very much hope you can find relief. Anxiety is... scary. And there's no need to feel that way if you can find professional assistance and relief.

About six months later, I decided to leave OrangeTheory (to this day, I have nothing bad to say about OrangeTheory because it's actually the best and I loved it so much) because I was noticing pain in my lower back from the constant running during the treadmill portion of the class. I switched to Pilates because I genuinely thought as a girl with regular stress, maybe it would help and even lower my stress in the process. At this time, I was also noticing no matter how hard I worked out at OrangeTheory, the weight I wanted to lose wasn't coming off and it was discouraging. In January of 2024, I joined Club Pilates, and I committed to six months of classes via an unlimited membership. Unfortunately, Club Pilates (at least my location in AZ) was not great for my brain or my body. After six months, I knew I was done and moved onto spin at NYX Cycle + Fitness, and I swear I'll never leave. It's the BEST. However...

The weight gain didn't stop, and it also hasn't come off as I had hoped. After a LOT of convincing, I decided to get my labs done. People, this is breaking news, so please be proud of me. As of last week (last week of June at the point of drafting this post), I got my labs done at home. I know, I know, I'm an idiot and big baby who cannot go get them done in person, but it all worked out as I quickly became woozy once the phlebotomist began setting up. She was LOVELY and I 10/10 recommend getting labs done at home if you're an anxious person regarding needles like myself. After she drew 10 freaking vials of blood, she made sure I was okay and departed. I am still waiting for my results, but I am now working with a naturopathic doctor to learn more about my body and what would be best for me to lose some of the weight I cannot seem to lose on my own. Again, please be so proud of me. The last time I had my labs drawn, I was legitimately nine years old.

So why in the world am I saying all of this as a 30th birthday blog post?

Sometimes, we have to do things when we're ready and sometimes, you're pushed into the flames. And sometimes, it's a combination of both.

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The last few days of being 29 were spent shooting a wedding in Canada. The wedding was pure perfection and I really couldn't have imagined a better way to spend the last few days of my 20s. I was doing what I absolutely love with incredible people and I started to feel a shift in my energy that I had noticed prior to leaving for Canada.

As I approached 30, I asked my friends who were already 30 if they had felt a shift in mindset as they became closer and closer to 30. The answer from most was yes. I was curious if I'd feel anything similar so I allowed myself to fully dive into my passions to allow the energy surrounding me to manifest whatever it thought I needed to prioritize in my third decade of life.

And it did.

As I mentioned previously, I have experienced quite a few personal... difficulties... over the last several years. Whether it was stress, anxiety, or changes in my body, my twenties felt like a nonchalant battle with myself. And at times, it felt as though I was going crazy and these feelings would never change.

So, let's talk about my lab results.

In early July, I hopped on the phone with my doctor. We reviewed my labs together and I found out I have hypothyroidism. What the heck is hypothyroidism? It basically means my thyroid is underactive. This tiny little thyroid thing controls so much more than I could have ever imagined. Actually, here are a few symptoms of hypothyroidism:

General / Whole-Body

• Fatigue or low energy

• Weakness

• Slowed heart rate (bradycardia)

• Cold intolerance (feeling unusually cold)

• Weight gain despite no change in diet or activity

• Puffy face

Skin, Hair, & Nails

• Dry, coarse skin

• Hair thinning or hair loss (including outer third of eyebrows)

• Brittle nails

• Pale, cool skin

• Puffiness, especially around the eyes

Mood & Cognition

• Depression or low mood

• Memory problems (“brain fog”)

• Anxiety

• Difficulty concentrating or slowed thinking

• Irritability or mood swings

Muscles & Joints

• Muscle cramps

• Joint pain or stiffness

• Generalized swelling (edema)

Reproductive

• Irregular menstrual cycles or heavy periods (menorrhagia)

• Infertility or difficulty conceiving

• Decreased libido

Digestive

• Constipation

• Slowed digestion

Voice & Throat

• Hoarseness

• Swelling in the neck (goiter, if thyroid is enlarged)

Other

• Pale or yellowish skin tone

• Swelling of hands, feet, or legs

• Slow reflexes

• Carpal tunnel–like symptoms (numbness/tingling in hands)

• Slow healing wounds

• Thinning of eyebrows (especially outer edges)

So yeah, kind of a lot, right? I would say I feel as though 85-90% of symptoms mentioned above are what I am experiencing which is crazy because I truly thought I felt fine aside from weight gain. Now, after looking at all of these symptoms listed above, I can say I'm shocked I didn't put two and two together sooner.

I was put on a medication and I'll have my labs rechecked in a little over a month to ensure all of my levels are okay. At this point, I'm still not noticing any weight loss, BUT the way I no longer have brain fog and how less anxious I feel is insanely worth it already.

Let's switch gears just a bit.

Why do I mention all of this? This medical journey is another one of those realizations I had as I approached 30. It was a shift in paradigm. Long story short, I realized by not doing labs and figuring out what was going on internally, I was taking better care of my boyfriend, my dog, and my clients far better than I was taking care of myself. However, I do need to take care of myself so I can continue to take care of my loved ones in the same capacity that I truly enjoy.

After I had the realizations regarding my labs, I took a good look at my day to day life. Once the anxiety started to dissipate and the hundreds of voices causing the endless anxiety started to quiet, I had one of the most incredible realizations: I stress too much about too many things all at once. Especially when thinking about money and financials.

Now let me be perfectly clear: I love all of these thought processes, but my processing was so clogged up prior to this medication that I couldn't process one singular thing at a time without combining it with secondary thoughts aka causing more anxiety. After about four weeks of taking this medication, I finally realized I don't have to hit all of my goals at one singular time. It's okay to tackle goals in smaller chunks. I don't need to stress about every single thing at every single moment of the day... all at once. I don't even know how to explain the chaos that was going on in my head constantly for so many years, but I am so thankful being 30 allowed me to think more clearly. Freaking finally.

Now that I've yapped about myself for... so long... let's wrap this up.

I'm so dang excited for my 30s. I have amazing, truly incredible people in my life who I love very much. My career is entirely my own and I get to be in complete control. My health is in the works and will get better as we learn more information. I'm learning almost every day, whether I'm learning about myself or the world around me. And my career. I'm so lucky to have found something that I feel so passionately about and am able to call it my job.

Life is short and I want to experience as much as I humanly can with a camera in hand. I've learned to take control of your health. If you don't like your doctor, find a new one. It's okay to be scared to do your labs, but please just book them and rip a shot of tequila shortly after (advice from personal experience). Find your people and love them hard. Allow yourself to be loved and fall for that person fully (that's you, Luis Colato). If the music makes you want to dance, please dance no matter how badly. Be authentically yourself and the right people will come - this works as personal and professional advice. Book the flight. Drink the margarita. Buy the cute jeans. Call your parents often. Work hard, but also allow yourself time off - great ideas are born when resting. Take the photo. Record the video. Hug tightly. Sing loudly - also even if it's bad. Watch the sunset. Drink the coffee.

Do all things with insane love. And more importantly, do it all for you. I could probably benefit from being a little more selfish. You read that right. I'm not good at doing things for myself. But let this be your reminder to do things for YOU. You deserve it. I deserve it. That's my attempt at reminding myself.

Cheers to another year. I truly cannot wait to see what this year and decade has in store and I cannot wait to see what life lessons we learn next.

Thank you for being here and being a part of my journey. Here's to the next decade!

Kayla